🧠 If Nigerian States Were People in a WhatsApp Group Chat – Vibes Only:

 Intro:

Imagine all 36 Nigerian states + Abuja chilling in one WhatsApp group in 2025. No admin, no rules, just pure gbas gbos, influencer drama, AI-generated voice notes, and crypto bros trying to “onboard” you by force. 🤯

It’s not just a chat... it’s a chaotic social experiment with digital hustlers, jollof shaming, PDP vs APC banter, and that one person who sends “Good morning fam” at 2am 🙃.

This is what happens when Naija states become human beings — Gen Z edition. Let the madness begin!

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1. Lagos
📱 Status: “Island Only. Mainland peeps don’t text me.”
Voice note dealer. Sends 10MB of traffic noise every morning. Works 5 jobs, still broke. Replies with “Lagos no dey carry last” even when it's not relevant. Spams the GC with “Soft Life” reels… meanwhile, they’re in a danfo.

2. Abuja
📸 Status: “Soft life, soft launch.”
Acts like they don’t belong here. Ghosts the GC for weeks, then pops in like, “Hi guys ❤️.” If it’s not brunch or skincare content, Abuja is not interested. Goes to church in a Benz and says “I don’t do mainland energy.”

3. Port Harcourt (PH)
💅 Status: “If you no get oil money, no near me.”
The sub queen. Typing and deleting since 2022. Laughs like “LMAOOOOOO” at their own subs. Doesn’t drag people directly—just posts screenshots and quotes like “You can’t sit with us.”

4. Enugu
📸 Status: “Aesthetic things only ✨”
Enugu’s the influencer who says “just vibes” but has an Amazon wishlist. Sends morning affirmations and brunch pics, then vanishes to edit reels. Responds to drama with “healing and peace only 🙏🏾.”

5. Kano
🧕🏾 Status: “Halal hustle only.”
Quiet but calculated. Owns 3 businesses but says “we thank God.” Sends Hadiths and business plans in the same message. Replies with “May Allah guide you” when insulted. Big boss energy, low volume.

6. Kaduna
🧘🏾‍♀️ Status: “Deep convos only. Vibes are not enough.”
Comes in with TED Talk threads. No jokes, only life lessons. Uses words like “transcendence” and “soul ties.” Posts AI art of angels in storms with captions like “I survived what tried to end me.”

7. Ogun
💼 Status: “Before Lagos, there was me.”
Always beefing Lagos. Their entire personality is “I’m next to the main character.” Sends links to land deals, then fights someone for calling them “Mainland Pro Max.” Typing with smoke.

8. Osun
🙏🏽 Status: “Monthly vigil: 7pm tonight.”
Drops scriptures between drama. Sends long chain prayers, and if you don’t forward it to 14 people, she’ll come for your destiny. Shares “this child turned to yam” stories. Lowkey scary 😭.

9. Oyo
📚 Status: “Ibadan no dey shout.”
Used to be hyped, now chilling with pride. Comes through with one-liner clapbacks that hit HARD. Still uses “Gbas Gbos” unironically. Argues with Lagos like siblings fighting for WiFi.

10. Anambra
🤑 Status: “Boss moves only.”
Posts “I just dropped 2 plots in Lekki” like it’s a sachet of water. Sends voice notes while eating nkwobi. Promotes 4 businesses at once. Their own hype man. Only shows up when it’s time to do giveaway or fight.

11. Delta
👠 Status: “Yas queen 💅🏾✨”
Always dramatic. Their lifestyle is pure reality show. Combines heartbreak, cruise, and shakara in one sentence. Says “na my vibe you dey hate” when nobody’s talking to them 😭. Wears 3 wigs in one day.

12. Cross River
🏖️ Status: “Currently in a place with no bad vibes.”
Travel vlogger, beach aesthetic, coconut water. Sends pics with “Catch flights, not feelings” caption. Never online during fights. Their whole life is soft, we’re jealous tbh.

13. Akwa Ibom
🍲 Status: “Still cooking, don’t rush me.”
Soft-spoken but WILL drag you with elite English. Responds with “Hmm... interesting perspective.” Calm until provoked, then it’s Oxford dictionary meets native slaps. Shares clean food content.

14. Borno
🛡️ Status: “We rise by faith, not fear.”
Lowkey vigilante. Never jokes. Drops security updates and dips. Their voice note sounds like military radio. Replies “Acknowledged” instead of “okay.” Don’t mess with them.

15. Zamfara
📴 Status: “Switched off. Pls don’t call.”
Offline for 6 months. Reappears randomly like “Pls update me.” Still types in caps lock. Doesn’t use emojis. Their DP is a blurry pic from 2012.

16. Ebonyi
🥷🏾 Status: “Silent achiever. You'll see it when it’s done.”
Doesn’t talk. Just drops photos in suits like “Just a random Tuesday.” The “you’ll hear about me soon” person. Sends you Google Forms for random ideas at 3AM.

17. Kwara
📊 Status: “Working on something big...”
Quiet genius. The one who sends “This might interest you 👇🏾” and it’s a fire pitch deck. Their content is so lowkey you almost forget they’re elite.

18. Ekiti
📚 Status: “Education is bae.”
Correct grammar only. Quotes Chinua Achebe unprovoked. Drops academic hot takes during soft gist. Still believes Google Classroom is a safe space 😭.

19. Benue
🌽 Status: “Farmer but make it fashion.”
Posts yams and flex. Drinks palm wine in a wine glass. Sings Burna Boy lyrics like folk songs. Lowkey vibes. Always eating.

20. Edo
🔥 Status: “Na who dey breeeeethe???”
Loud. Laughs in capital letters. Says “Dem no born your papa well” in fights. Posts night club content and Bible verses back to back. Chaos and class in one person.

21. Bayelsa
😂 Status: “Make una dey play.”
Sends 90% of the memes. Doesn’t type, just reacts with stickers. Every chat ends with “E go shock you.” Their DP is a meme of themselves.

22. Plateau
🌄 Status: “Nature & chill.”
Sends sunrise pics and soft background music. Feels like therapy. Doesn’t drag, doesn’t shade. Peace ambassador of the GC. If they leave, we riot.

23. Taraba
🤐 Status: “Lowkey, not lonely.”
Still uses “Lol” instead of emojis. Never argues. Just observes and occasionally says “Hmm, nawa o.” Ghost energy.

24. Bauchi
🧓🏾 Status: “Good evening everyone.”
Old soul. Forwards messages from Facebook. Sends videos with weird filters. Signs off with “Best regards.” Calls everyone “my dear.”

25. Niger
📰 Status: “What’s trending in the North?”
Always sends breaking news before CNN. Nobody asked, but Niger is already typing. Might be a Twitter admin lowkey.

26. Kebbi
🧑🏾‍🌾 Status: “Just dey my farm dey go.”
Sends photos of rice. Doesn’t say much. Very “I no get time for una wahala” energy. Respectable silence.

27. Sokoto
🕋 Status: “First of His Name, Sultan of Calm.”
When Sokoto speaks, everyone shuts up. Drops gems, not gossip. Might tell you “Let peace reign” then leave the group forever.

28. Nasarawa
😐 Status: “...still here sha.”
Nobody really knows their vibe. They just exist. Types like they’re always being watched. Neutral AF.

29. Gombe
🙏🏾 Status: “Grateful. Blessed. Booked.”
Still posts gratitude challenges. Their IG stories are all “God did 🙌🏾” and “Book of the month.” Nobody drags them because they’re actually sweet.

30. Yobe
👻 Status: “Last seen 2021.”
Total ghost. People think they left the group but they’re still watching everything silently. Shows up to drop a single “Hmm” then disappears again.

31. Jigawa
💭 Status: “Do you believe in time travel?”
Random. Once sent a YouTube link to an alien documentary at 4:57am. Posts stuff like “We are not our bodies.” Still uses BBM DP style.

32. Abia
🗣️ Status: “You talk am, I go reply.”
Spends the whole chat hyping Anambra. Never types first, but quick to say “Yesssss boss!” Subtle instigator.

33. Kogi
🤯 Status: “You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
Says wild things out of nowhere. Talks like they live in a Nollywood courtroom. Might call you “Your Honour” for no reason. Mysterious and spicy.

34. Imo
💁🏾‍♀️ Status: “Your fave could never.”
The soft-life glam queen. Uses ring light for even birthday shoutouts. Sells skincare and “Only 3 slots left” every week. A whole aesthetic brand.

35. Ondo
🎭 Status: “Mood swings in HD.”
One second they’re calm, next they’re dragging your entire lineage. Sends Fuji music with morning devotion. No warning, just chaos.

36. Taraba Again
👥 Status: “Taraba 2.0 has entered the chat.”
Somehow joined twice. Nobody knows why. Both accounts are active. Admins are tired.

37. FCT (Abuja)
👑 Status: “This message was deleted.”
Technically the admin, but acts like they’re too elite to engage. Only responds to “official matters.” Might mute the chat permanently and pretend they didn’t see the gbas gbos.

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🔥 Outro:

Na your state no safe o 😭
Which of these do you vibe with? Who’s your GC twin? Drop your state in the comments and let the cruise BEGIN 🕺🏾💃🏾

Share this with your crew, tag that your Edo friend who shouts too much, and that Abuja babe who hasn’t said a word in 6 months 🤣

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