“Premium Secondary School Wahala: 25 Things That’ll Instantly Take You Back”

-

 


—The Ashy Lips, Morning Duties & the Madness That Made Us

INTRO – Before the Phones, There Was Wahala

Before TikTok, before Snapchat streaks, before everybody had a smartphone and ring light… we were there. Deep in the trenches of Nigerian secondary schools. Whether you were a boarder or day student, public or private, Unity School or that ‘One-man-school’ your parents swore was “the best,” one thing united us all: the premium wahala was consistent.

This post is your mental time machine — no school gate pass required. Let’s take you back to when:

  • Your school bag had more wrappers than textbooks

  • Your nickname was louder than your real name

  • And the fear of “the list” was the beginning of wisdom

SECTION 1: Classroom Chaos & Note Copying Olympics 📝

  1. “The owner of the note is going home!”
    That sacred moment when you’re halfway through copying someone’s chemistry note and they stand up to leave. You’ll be like: “Please now, I’m almost done.” And they’ll say, “But I’m going home.”
    Wahala: 100. Sympathy: 0.

  2. Every day was Dictation Olympics
    Teachers didn’t care if your biro ink was faint or your wrist was finished — you’d hear,
    “Number one: Onomatopoeia… Number two: Rhododendron…”
    Ah... God abeg.

  3. Group assignments that became group betrayal
    It was always the smart one doing all the work while the rest were just there saying: “You too sabi, na why we put you as group leader now.”

  4. Test Results = Public Humiliation Ceremony
    Teacher will hold your script like…

“Number one in class, we all know her — Deborah the genius. And for last position? Come and collect your disgrace, Olumide.”

SECTION 2: Boarding School Chronicles 🛏️🍱 (But Wait... More for Day Students!)

  1. The Great Provision Heist
    If you didn’t write your name and threaten five generations on your Milo tin, forget it — it’s national cake now.

  2. Seniors with Vibes and Violence
    From fetch my water to kneel down and raise your locker, they were like unpaid spiritual supervisors sent to humble you.

  3. Tuck-in Olympics
    You never just wore your uniform — you tucked it in like a soldier because one prefect somewhere was always watching like FBI.

  4. Bucket Queue Warfare
    5am: bucket on the line
    6am: someone shifts your bucket
    7am: fight erupts.
    Wahala Level: Mortal Kombat

SECTION 3: Day Student Diaries – The Real MVPs 🚍🍱

  1. PTA Meetings = The Beginning of Change
    Every time PTA came around, students would either rejoice or panic. Fees increased, new rules appeared, and your name might just enter one list you didn’t sign up for.

  2. Open Day Madness
    That one day your parents are allowed to visit and you suddenly become a cleaner, a lawyer, and a beggar. You’re smiling like a saint but praying they don’t ask the principal too many questions.

  3. Jeans Day Flex
    Ah yes — “Pay ₦100 and wear jeans” day. People would iron jeans till they could cut yam. Girls brought out glitter belts. Boys rocked color riot. And you dare not repeat last term’s outfit — your enemies were watching.

  4. Cultural Day = Big Drama, Bigger Eba
    Yoruba dance group rehearsing like it’s for Headies. Igbo boys borrowing wrappers. Calabar soup causing fights. And someone’s mum must show up with too much food and turn the canteen to a buffet.

  5. “Driver, Wait For Me!” Syndrome
    The everyday hustle to catch the school bus. Whether you’re carrying bucket or rice flask, that bus horn waits for no one. Some students even had to chase it halfway like it’s LASTMA.

  6. The Struggle of Carrying Your Food Flask with Vibes
    Let’s not lie. Some food flasks had trauma. They leaked. They stank. And when your mum sends beans, everybody knows before you open it.

SECTION 4: Punishment & Pain – No Peace for the Noisemaker 😭

  1. “Jug” for Noise You Didn’t Make
    Let one person cough in class — next thing:

“All of you, kneel down!”
“You’ll carry 3 blocks till break time!”

  1. Cutting Grass with Razor Blade
    Yes, actual grass. With actual razor blades.
    One blade. One soul. One slow death.

  2. Being on ‘The List’
    Once a prefect says “Write your name in the list” —
    Just know you’re in the next batch of “midnight duties, double portion.”

  3. General Cleaning = Military Boot Camp
    You sweep like you’re planning to relocate sand. Teachers walking past like drill sergeants: “Is this how your house looks??”

SECTION 5: Romance, Rizz & Rubbish 💌🤣

  1. Love Letters with 12 Fonts
    “My dear precious jewel of the Almighty,
    Every time I see you, my liver skips like a scratched CD…    ”
    You no go laugh?

  2. Code Names & Love Chains
    Crushes were addressed like secret agents:

“Tell Pinkie Star that Captain Biro is waiting near J Block.”

  1. Pass a Letter, Collect a Slap
    Prefects or teachers catching you =
    Letter read aloud to the class. Then flogged for grammar and content.

  2. Borrowed Pencils That Turned to Forever

“Lend me your pencil now, I’ll return it after class.”
That pencil is in a shrine somewhere by now.

SECTION 6: Inter-House Sports & The Madness of March Past 🏃🏽‍♀️🟨

  1. March Past was World War III

“Left! Right! Left! Right! Turn by the left and... SLAP the person not serious!”
You thought it was choreography. It was war.

  1. The Day We All Became Superstars
    Girls wore tinted lip gloss. Boys borrowed tight jeans. And one DJ was always playing “Yahooze” like national anthem.

  2. Cheering Sections with Dirty Slangs

“Blue House, powder face!”
“Red House, chop beans!”
Absolute chaos. Loved it.

  1. Victory Dance = Bragging Rights For Life
    You win match? You no go calm down again. You’ll now be walking like Messi with a cracked trophy made from cardboard.

SECTION 7: Graduation, Exit Notes & The Legendary “Slum Books” 📘✍🏾

  1. The Famous Slum Book Entries
    You remember these?

  • Best Friend: Yetunde

  • Crush: (Secret)

  • What You’ll Miss Most: Morning devotion 😩

  • Last Words: “Don’t forget me, stay cool, stay sweet.”

OUTRO – We Survived. And That’s the Real Degree 🎓💪🏾

Whether your school had fans or just open windows…
Whether your name made “Noisemakers List” or you were always forming class captain…
Whether you wore check, plain white, or “one uniform like prison cloth”… one thing is for sure:

You survived premium Naija secondary school wahala. And you deserve accolades.

This one’s for the ash lips, the extra assignment sheets, the sneaky love letters, and the classmates we never saw again after SS2 Third Term. Wherever they are, may their provisions be full and their socks stay white. 🙏🏽

Drop your most traumatic/funny secondary school memory in the comments.
You know the vibes:
NaijaNomad… Just Cruise. 🛫🇳🇬

Comments

Post a Comment

Latest Posts

🧠 If Nigerian States Were People in a WhatsApp Group Chat – Vibes Only:

-
Image
  Intro: Imagine all 36 Nigerian states + Abuja chilling in one WhatsApp group in 2025. No admin, no rules, just pure gbas gbos, influencer drama, AI-generated voice notes, and crypto bros trying to “onboard” you by force. 🤯 It’s not just a chat... it’s a chaotic social experiment with digital hustlers, jollof shaming, PDP vs APC banter, and that one person who sends “Good morning fam” at 2am 🙃. This is what happens when Naija states become human beings — Gen Z edition. Let the madness begin! 1. Lagos 📱 Status: “Island Only. Mainland peeps don’t text me.” Voice note dealer. Sends 10MB of traffic noise every morning. Works 5 jobs, still broke. Replies with “Lagos no dey carry last” even when it's not relevant. Spams the GC with “Soft Life” reels… meanwhile, they’re in a danfo. 2. Abuja 📸 Status: “Soft life, soft launch.” Acts like they don’t belong here. Ghosts the GC for weeks, then pops in like, “Hi guys ❤️.” If it’s not brunch or skincare content, Abuja is not inte...
Read more

What To Do After a Visa Denial (Without Losing Your Mind)

-
  ✈️ Rejected But Not Defeated Visa denials are tough. After all the time, money, and energy you poured into your application — getting that “No” feels like the door just slammed in your face. But listen, a visa denial is not the end. It’s a delay , not a denial of your dreams. Whether it was for Canada, the US, the UK, Schengen, or even Dubai — this post is your step-by-step guide to bounce back and come back stronger . 🔍 Step 1: Understand " Why" You Were Denied You can't fix what you don't understand. Visa officers usually give a reason code (like 214(b), 9 FAM 302.5, etc.) or a vague sentence. Common reasons include: Lack of strong ties to your home country Insufficient funds Incomplete or incorrect documents Suspicious travel history Purpose of visit not convincing LMIA (Labour Market Impact Assessment.) Debt to Crown. E.t.c 🧠 Pro Tip: Don’t guess. Request your visa officer’s notes if possible (especially for Canada, UK, US – you can ...
Read more

This Wasn’t the Plan – But Omo, We Move

-
Image
  A Reality Check on the Nigerian Dream Timeline Introduction: The Great Naija Promise When we were in secondary school, they gave us a clear-cut blueprint: “Face your books, pass your exams, get into university by 17, graduate by 21, do NYSC, get your dream job, marry by 24, and you’ll be balling by 25.” Omo, we believed it. We didn’t question the system, the structure, or the brokenness. We believed because our parents believed. Our teachers reinforced it. Pastors preached it. Motivational speakers sold it. And society repeated it like a national anthem. But now, here we are — in our mid to late twenties (some even thirties), tired, confused, broke(ish), and constantly asking ourselves: “Wait… was this not supposed to be easier?” This wasn’t the plan. But omo… we move. That ‘Perfect Timeline’ They Sold Us From JSS1, it was like we were being prepped for a race we didn’t even sign up for. We were told that life was linear: SS3 at 16 ✅ JAMB and university admiss...
Read more