We Don’t Talk Enough About How Funny Nigerian English Really Is

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Tagline: A Love Letter to the Most Iconic, Confusing, and Unbothered Form of English on Earth

INTRO:

Let’s be honest — Nigerian English is a whole personality. It’s not just a language, it’s a movement, a mood, and sometimes a misunderstanding waiting to happen. The way we twist, remix, and rebrand English for our local use is pure comedic gold. This is not UK English, it’s not even American English. This is Naija English — weaponized, bastardized, and absolutely sensational.

In this blog post, we’re diving deep into Nigerian English phrases that are funny, dramatic, savage, and sometimes downright confusing if you're not initiated. Each phrase comes with full gist, context, and why it deserves to be studied in Ivy League universities.

Let’s get into it.

1. “I’m Coming” (But You’re Not Moving)

This one is classic. You tell someone “I’m coming” and you just sit there. No shame. No movement. Zero intent to stand up.

In Nigerian English, “I’m coming” doesn’t always mean you’re actually on your way. It could mean:

  • Give me a second.

  • Wait, I’m still doing something.

  • I’m not ready yet, but stop disturbing me.

Example:

“Aunty, let’s go!”
“I’m coming.” (Meanwhile, she’s still in towel, boiling rice, and painting eyebrows.)

If you’re a foreigner and you take this statement literally, you’ll be waiting like NEPA light in rainy season.

2. “Shift Make Breeze Blow”

Ahhh, this one is pure cruise. You're sitting somewhere with someone and it’s hot. Instead of saying, “Can you move a bit so I can get more air?”, a Nigerian will say:

“Shift make breeze blow.”

It’s so iconic because it perfectly blends sarcasm and practicality. It’s not just a request to move — it’s an announcement that your presence is blocking oxygen.

Real Translation:

  • “I’m uncomfortable, but I won’t say it politely.”

  • “You’re suffocating me with your body heat.”

This phrase is 100% Naija-certified passive-aggressiveness with spice.

3. “See Me See Wahala”

This one slaps every time. It's usually used when you’re being accused, insulted, or dragged into something you know nothing about. It’s dramatic. It’s victim-core. It’s Nigerian.

Example:

“Why did you eat my food?”
“Me? See me see wahala!”

It gives: “I’m the main character in this movie of lies and betrayal.” It’s always delivered with wide eyes, raised hands, and a healthy sprinkle of fake innocence.

4. “Do You Know Who I Am?”

This phrase has NEVER been used by someone you actually want to know. It’s usually screamed by angry uncles at security guards or people who skipped queues.

Context:

  • Police checkpoints

  • VIP entrances

  • Petrol stations during scarcity

Translation:

  • “I’m about to abuse power.”

  • “Please respect my delusions of grandeur.”

If you ever hear this in public, quietly remove yourself. Drama is loading.

5. “You’re Doing Like Small Pikin”

You could be 30 years old, paying rent, sponsoring your siblings, and someone’s aunty will still tell you:

“Stop doing like small pikin!”

The phrase is never about age. It’s about emotional maturity (or the lack of it) — or at least how they perceive it.

It means:

  • Stop whining.

  • Behave.

  • Don’t embarrass me.

And it will humble you quickly.

6. “You Just Dey Do Like Mumu”

This one? Premium insult. And it hits deep because it combines disappointment and mockery in one sentence. There’s no comeback. Once someone drops it, you just have to reflect on your life choices.

Translation:

  • You're not using your brain.

  • You're acting clueless.

  • This thing you're doing doesn't make sense.

Example:

“So you sent 5k to a babe you just met online?”
“You just dey do like mumu.”

It’s the kind of phrase that makes you want to rewind your entire decision-making process. Very humbling.

7. “You No Get Joy!”

Now this one is for the savages. When a Nigerian tells you, "You no get joy," just know your cruise level is too high, your sarcasm is too sharp, or you've done something that deserves both praise and side-eye.

Translation:

  • You’re wicked (but make it funny).

  • You did something mad but hilarious.

  • You lack empathy in the most entertaining way.

Example:

You post a meme about your friend’s heartbreak.
“Ah! You no get joy!”

It’s like a badge of honor. If you get told this regularly, congrats — you’re probably the group chat MVP.

8. “Follow Who Know Road”

This phrase is pure Naija survival strategy. It’s not just advice — it’s wisdom passed down from ancestors. It means stick with the person who knows what they’re doing, because this life is not trial and error.

Translation:

  • Align with someone who has sense.

  • Don’t go and embarrass your village.

  • Use shortcut and follow destiny helpers.

Example:

“You dey go embassy? Better follow who know road o!”

It applies everywhere — from visa applications to market runs to sneaking into VIP without pass. In Nigeria, knowledge isn’t just power, it’s navigation. So if you’re not sure of something? Abeg, follow who know road.

9. “You Will Not Kill Me!” (Said While Laughing)

This one is sweet. You crack a joke and your aunty bursts out laughing, then says:

“You will not kill me!”

No one is actually dying. It just means:

  • “You’re too funny.”

  • “I wasn’t ready.”

  • “You’ve given me joy.”

It’s Nigerian love language — just slightly unhinged.

10. “Come and Be Going”

This one is peak confusion. Are you supposed to come… or go?

Answer: Just carry your bag and leave.

“Come and be going” is the Naija way of telling you: You’ve overstayed your welcome but I won’t say it directly because I still like you small.

Bonus Use Case: Parents say it to friends that disturb too much or guests who eat like they’re part of the family.

CONCLUSION:

Nigerian English is an extreme sport. You can’t learn it — you live it. It’s poetic, rude, funny, emotional, and extremely situational. It captures the Nigerian essence: survival, humor, and never letting English stop your shine.

So next time someone tells you “I’m coming,” don’t move. Just laugh and say, “No wahala. Shift make breeze blow."

#NaijaEnglish #GenZNaija #NigerianSlang #WahalaProMax #NaijaCruise

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